Winner Of The First-Ever National Press Club Award For Humor
borowitzreport

Apple Recalls iPhone; Forgot to Include ‘Phone’ Feature
Jobs: Oops

In what could prove to be the most embarrassing misstep in consumer electronics history, Apple Inc. announced today that it would recall its entire production run of the Apple iPhone after discovering that it had failed to include a "phone" feature in the much-hyped handheld device.

Speaking from Apple corporate headquarters, company founder Steve Jobs offered consumers his apology for the monumental goof and seemed to be searching for an explanation for how it could have occurred.

"First and foremost, we’re sorry," a red-faced Mr. Jobs said in a conference call with Wall Street analysts. "When you make a product called the iPhone, people expect it to include a phone, and we messed that part up."

Mr. Jobs suggested that Apple had been so focused on making the iPhone the "coolest handheld device ever" that it had forgotten to include one of the most important features of any cellular phone: "One thing people like about cell phones is that you can dial numbers into them and call people."

Instead, he explained, Apple’s engineers had crammed the iPhone with a plethora of what he called "non-phonal features," such as a camera, an MP3 player, a taser, and a tactical nuclear weapon.

While Mr. Jobs said that almost all of the nine million iPhones that had been shipped to stores were on their way back to Apple’s manufacturing plant, he offered advice to consumers who somehow had already obtained the phoneless iPhone: "Just hold it up to your head and pretend to be talking into it."

Elsewhere, the Fish and Wildlife Service said that it would remove wolves from the endangered species list and add Republicans.


I apologize for not including both the link and authors name when I originally posted the story.

It's My Secret